i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
