I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
