clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
