Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
