he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
