so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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