That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
