Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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