She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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