Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance

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(401): The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance http://tfl.nu/1kat

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(330): View more from Ohio

Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."

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(330): Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy." http://tfl.nu/8mx4

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.

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(412): im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again. http://tfl.nu/heac

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(248): View more from Michigan

dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call

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(248): dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call http://tfl.nu/9cld

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.

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(606): Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes. http://tfl.nu/z8mg

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(516): View more from New York

I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...

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(516): I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"... http://tfl.nu/s1bt

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(478): View more from Georgia

So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking

(404): View more from Georgia

how did that work out?

(478): View more from Georgia

Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...

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(478): So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking (404): how did that work out? (478): Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder... http://tfl.nu/o1yp

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(773): View more from Illinois

oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever

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(773): oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever http://tfl.nu/1ydb

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock

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(803): Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock http://tfl.nu/bp8m

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.

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(610): You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel. http://tfl.nu/kyxg

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(509): View more from Washington

Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.

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(509): Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life. http://tfl.nu/zh07

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.

(330): View more from Ohio

Dude what the fuck...

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(502): I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer. (330): Dude what the fuck... http://tfl.nu/hphb

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(44): View more from United Kingdom

I think he just caught a duck in mid flight

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(44): I think he just caught a duck in mid flight http://tfl.nu/qjp2

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(312): View more from Illinois

She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere

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(312): She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere http://tfl.nu/ps2s

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(678): View more from Georgia

Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.

(404): View more from Georgia

We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.

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(678): Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to. (404): We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit. http://tfl.nu/4kzw

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