I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.