did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
