Texts From Last Night

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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"

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  (423): my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead" http://tfl.nu/865j
  Replies (2) Good night (761) Bad night (1767)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear

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  (978): i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear http://tfl.nu/0b07
  Replies (12) Good night (3621) Bad night (2270)
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  (626): View more from California

  she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song

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  (626): she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song http://tfl.nu/tlf6
  Replies (35) Good night (1660) Bad night (4383)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?

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  (614): Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right? http://tfl.nu/9010
  Replies (17) Good night (4782) Bad night (621)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is that considered a cock block?

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  (419): I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me? (937): Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls. (419): Is that considered a cock block? http://tfl.nu/pjdr
  Replies (48) Good night (8753) Bad night (1262)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks

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  (813): So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks http://tfl.nu/x484
  Replies (13) Good night (5970) Bad night (909)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"

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  (540): you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out" http://tfl.nu/77z0
  Replies (17) Good night (4985) Bad night (1872)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.

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  (615): You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea. http://tfl.nu/dzpq
  Replies (4) Good night (1210) Bad night (4102)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.

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  (774): It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world. http://tfl.nu/7olx
  Replies (16) Good night (2745) Bad night (734)
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  (626): View more from California

  I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.

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  (626): I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night. http://tfl.nu/5hoo
  Replies (7) Good night (2382) Bad night (747)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me

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  (551): Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me http://tfl.nu/723s
  Replies (9) Good night (938) Bad night (1746)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?

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  (425): Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy? http://tfl.nu/h26n
  Replies (10) Good night (1403) Bad night (713)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"

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  (780): I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future" http://tfl.nu/8p29
  Replies (7) Good night (1060) Bad night (350)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.

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  (434): do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night? (540): yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you. http://tfl.nu/hqli
  Replies (1) Good night (843) Bad night (477)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.

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  (309): He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys. http://tfl.nu/x76x
  Replies (11) Good night (539) Bad night (874)

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