just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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