Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
