She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize