my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
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I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
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I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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