tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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