And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
