Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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