Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
