dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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