dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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