Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's blow job season.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
