My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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