Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Green mimosas i think yes
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
