Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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