Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
