You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
