This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
