You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
