Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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