I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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