I want to make a zoo with you.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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