Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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