I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
