I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
