Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
