Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
