First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
