i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
