i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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