I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
