So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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