I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
