My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
