Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
