I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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