Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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