Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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