You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
