I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
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We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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