my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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