eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
