I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
