I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
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He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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