Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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