Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
