Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
