I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
