dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
