:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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