I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
