dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
