This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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