So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it's like iHOP with fire
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
