That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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