you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize