I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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