Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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