i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
