Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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