Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I want to be your penis for a week.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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