I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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