Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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