just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
