she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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